January 28th 1998,went in for my routine 35 week Dr.'s appointment( 2 days earlier I had been really sick I threw up for about 6 hours straight, and then felt better the next day. thought it was the 24 hour bug little did I know it was most likely the day that my precious little Alex passed away.) my Dr. was doing a C-section so we had to wait 30 minutes in the waiting room, finally we went into my appointment I layed down on the table, the nurse got the Doppler out and ran it over my stomach, she got a funny look on her face and then left the room to get the u/s machine she came back in and did an ultrasound and then said she needed to get the Dr. the Dr. came in looked at the ultrasound, turned it toward me and in the coldest voice said see here is where your Babies heartbeat should be, and there is not one, then he said to my X husband and I that he would gives us a few minutes and then come back and give us our options. he came back in about 15 min later and told me that I could wait a day or call ob that evening and see if they had room for me and if they did they would start me on a cervix softner and then start pitocin the next morning, so my X and I went home to call our families and let them know, I remember my X who is not a member of the Church pouring himself a glass of tequila, he never drank it he just sat and stared at it all day, we went in that night they inserted the cervix softner, and then the next morning they started the pitocin and once the contractions started I got the epidural which did not work so they gave me demoral which made me sleep and out of it, they put me in a room right in the middle of 2 other ladies that were in Labor, as I would drift off the sleep, I would hear there Babies heart rate monitors and I would wake up thinking that is was my Babies heart rate only to be slapped in the face with the fact that I was in the hospital to give birth to my Dead Baby. he was delivered at 7:45 pm on Jan 29th 1998, he weighed 5 lbs 4.6 oz and was 18 in long. he was perfect, not one imperfection, we held him, my Dad gave him a name and a blessing, My X wanted him baptized so we some kind of pastor come in and do that. I just remember not wanting to let him go, they took him away that night and put him in the freezer, and the next morning I called the nurses station at about 6:30 am and asked them to bring him to me, 8 oclock came around and I remember walking all the way down the long hallway to the nurses station to ask them for my Baby, they said sorry that they had forgotten, and I just thought to myself no no, just because he is not breathing does not mean that he should be forgotten. he is my Baby boy and he will never be forgotten. I remember the morturary came and picked him up that day at 12 pm and I carried him in my arms while being pushed in a wheelchair down to the hertz. 2 days later we had his viewing and burial. I did not want to let go of him, I did not want to say goodbye to him, I wanted him to open his eyes. after the burial my Family all went to cracker Barrel and my step brother was there with his girlfriend and there 2 week old Baby, I saw my Mom ask to hold the Baby and when I saw them place that Baby in her arms I lost it. . that should have been my Baby she was holding. The next Day my X just expected me to just let it go, and move on that was easier said than done for me. I did get pregnant with our Second child 6 months later and gave birth to a Healthy Baby boy on March 17th 1999. my marriage ended 18 months later, I look back and realize that there have been many blessings that have come from me losing Alex, I honestly do not think that we would have ever had Anthony if I had not lost Alex, it was a stepping stone in helping me return to the Gospel. I am so very Thankful for the knowledge of knowing that someday I will be able to raise my precious little boy, during a perfect time, without the influence of the Devil. I strive everyday to live my life in such a way so that I will be able to have that opportunity